Dealing with Pain

Is it possible to know how something one has never experienced feels? Is it okay to say moving on is not a difficult task? Is it okay to still be scared shitless of a specific pain?

For instance, putting oneself in the shoes of a person who has just been slapped. Can you describe the feeling when you have never been slapped in your lifetime before?

Image courtesy clipartpanda dot com.
I am not looking at these from the perspective of writers, because writers have a way with words.

Picture courtesy brain training tools for org
I’m looking at these from the perspective of someone who has been a victim of a specific pain. And another who has never been a victim of that specific pain.

Is it possible for that other person to know what that specific pain, the one they have never been victim of, feels like? #IAmCurious.

Picture courtesy Oxford today dot ox dot ac dot uk

How does one deal with psychological pain that is eating one up? Your comments and thoughts are appreciated. Thank you 😄.

P.S: This post was inspired by a conversation with a loved one about the fear of a certain event I experienced, that has refused to leave my mind and he dismissed it saying it happens all the time, not new. I didn’t know how to express that fear he just readily dismissed as nothing so I just told him, I pray you never experience this kind of pain.


  1. No. You put yourself in their situation as much as you can, but if you cannot relate from experience then you cannot fully understand how it feels. When I had my heart broken for the first time, I felt that hurt on my heart that I’ve heard from other people. I never understood it until I felt it. It was that feeling like your heart is getting pinch by the tip of the knife. My heart really was crushed and broken down into shards. It was a painful feeling.
    It goes the same with someone else who is grieving. I’ve never experienced it. When my grandma and grandma passed, I was depressed but it wasn’t never a grieving moment because they lived a long and satisfying life with so much love around them. And so, when those events happened, I was actually confused. It’s like I know I haven’t felt what others usually feel during this kind of circumstances. And when I didn’t feel it, I know I can’t relate.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely agree. Hugs😍😊. Like Olamide said above too, even when one has experienced same pain, one still can’t fully relate or correlate both events.


  2. Even if you have gone thru the same experience,it doesn’t mean you have all the answers…pain is can’t generalize pain..even if it’s not new it still hurts…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Even though it may not be the case in your situation, but often as not when someone else dismisses another person’s pain, it is because he knows he can’t handle the pain as well. He’s speaking out of fear.

    I think Alexis’s advice to “hit the pain/fear head on” is very good. Confront it. Write it. Write it out then through the paper away. Thinking or telling it to someone doesn’t always work, but sitting down and writing it out…write out exactly what happened, what was said, how you felt. Get it out. Then you’ll find that it’s easier to cope with. And then throw it away or burn it. It’s for your eyes only.

    I hope this helps a bit. I hope this day is a wonderful happy discovery kind of day!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow thank you Paul. Glad to have you back online, before I opened this app, I made a mental note to visit your blog to say Hi and see if you have new awesome stuff for us to read like always. (I had been thinking of that for some days now 😀😀😀😀). On opening, I saw your comment. Awesome. Yes thank you, I love the idea of writing it down for my eyes only and throwing it away. Alexis points are so spot on too. I’m never the one to look to telling my thoughts out to be frank, that conversation happened amidst another and I chipped my fear in to buttress a point, in support of another’s feelings, because i and the other person have both experienced that pain but the person I was talking to hadn’t. Which was why I pray he never does.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I think your article is basically about empathy, and the struggle to share your fears with someone who doesn’t understand them readily. I’ve encountered lack of compassion in people constantly and the only way I’ve dealt with it is to show more compassion than the people next to me. If you want a way of dealing with your own pain, look at the acute pain caused to someone else through something far more horrific and through sheer relativity your pain and fear will lessen. Mahatma Gandhi once said that when he was a kid, he was crying because he didn’t have his favorite pair of shoes, then he looked across and saw someone with no feet. Relativity is everything. You pain will disappear once you realize that there are worse things in the world. Don’t look for empathy from others because it is too rare a gift. Instead, work on your own compassion and empathy and you will instantly become empowered. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. One thing I’ve learned is keeping it all in doesn’t help from personal experience. Sometimes at strange as it sounds telling a stranger about how your feeling can be therapeutic. It’s important to tell someone and no one has the right to tell you how to feel. Do one thing a day just for yourself and make a plan. Little things like that make all the difference. Blessings to you, I hope things become easier for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m a little confused by the final question. It seems to ask about the victim, while the rest of the post seems to ask about whether or not empathy is truly possible.

    In any case the best way to deal with psychological pain is to confront it head on. Think it through. Come up with solutions. Fix what you can, work to adjust to what you can’t. Find a healthy means of expression. Stay away from drugs and alcohol, and casual sex – the bad coping habits of this generation.

    This is coming from someone who has suffered domestic abuse (biological father, not a husband), and battled with thoughts of suicide for a decade.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks for the tips and big hugs to you. I’m sorry for not being expressive enough. Maybe I should add what inspired this thoughts. I was having a conversation with a loved one about the fear of a certain event I experienced, that has refused to leave my mind and he dismissed it saying it happens all the time, not new. I didn’t know how to express that fear he just readily dismissed as nothing so I just told him, I pray you never experience this kind of pain.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Men (esp these days) are not known for empathy. I’ve learned not to expect them to understand the world from any vantage point but their own. Of course there are exceptions, but they are few and far between.

        I do hope you feel better, and all the best. Don’t allow him to make you feel bad. You do not need justification from anyone to experience fear…

        Liked by 2 people

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